Sims, Blowers Additions Not Enough to Save Season

Most Mariner fans woke up this morning, checked the official website, and hoped that we had traded for some big ace. We had all hoped for some new reason to look forward to what could be a dismally long season in 2007. So what did the club do today instead?

We signed a rookie with more experience in football and basketball than baseball, and gave a dodderingly ancient third baseman a contract extension. Let's have a closer look at these two moves:

Dave Sims has gotta be around 6', 220 lbs, and while he might be able to call it all day on the gridiron, he's simply too big for baseball, and from what I've heard, he simply doesn't have enough pitches to make it even in Seattle's desperate rotation. His previous experience is nill, although he does have a radio show with Duke's Coach K, who, as everyone knows, knows everything about everything.

As for Mike Blowers, he's 41, which in today's baseball isn't too old, but his career .257 average just isn't going to cut it on this squad. And besides, our offense isn't horrible, what we really need is a good starter and a setup man to replace Soriano whose name doesn't rhyme with "Eats Muh." Unless Mikey's holdin' back a low 90's fastball and a killer splitter, I just don't see what the M's are doing signing him back on for another season. I mean, c'mon, the Beltre trade rumors are flying now that we've got two thirdbasemen!

I give up, folks. I just don't know what's going on anymore.